So last night was rough, lots of craving, the urge to binge was strong
and kept coming back over and over. But...I beat it. With the
encouragement of a good Ana friend, Maise, and the mind numbing
awesomeness of "The L Word" :) haha I <3 Kate Moennig, she plays
Shane. Gorgeous, thinspiration, and just an all around amazing actress. I
feel empty right now, which is awesome as well. Probably gunna pop a
Hydroxy Cut before I leave for work. Gosh I hate work more and more
these days yet need it more and more. It's insane.
I guess I don't "hate" work, I just feel less and less like
being there is valuable to me surviving. lol. I know right, that's dumb.
Truth be told I guess I just have my focus on other things right now. I
am leaving in 2 weeks, the album will be done, time to head out. North
Carolina first, then home to Nashville for just a couple months, then
onto the West Coast for an 8 month tour. Crazy eh?
I wanted to say real quick, just to clear any confusion up...I
am an Ana, but I do not consider myself to have the actual mental
disorder that goes with Anorexia. Mainly cause I don't "Starve" myself. I
do random cleansing fasts, fruits, veggies, lemon juice, curry,
cayenne, etc...and I believe in lots of vitamins, more of them than
food, lots of water, get protien from healthier places than fatty meats,
I just have high health standards, yes being thinner is super important
to me, and yes I am an Ana, I support and understand the mindset of
food fears, looking in the mirror and not liking what you see, etc...I
just don't plan on trying to reach 70lbs and die. Between 110 and 120 is
fine for me, hell even 130 would be cool :) haha I have been heavy my
whole life, and Ana gave me strength to fight that with a lot of
clarity. "People over eat all the time, this country's ideas of what a
normal portioned meal is, is atrocious." Truer words could never have
been spoken.
Just wanted to interject that, now I am gunna chew on some lettuc before I gotta get ready for work. <3
No comments:
Post a Comment