I need to get a grip

Ever since I chose to hop back on the Ana train, reclaim my once amazingly beautiful self, live my life the way I demand it...I have been flopping and flipping around like a fish outta water on a fisherman's boat deck. To be quite honest, it's driving me fucking insane that I can't just seem to get a tiny hold of myself. I feel assured inside, confident, ready for this change...so why I am a going belly up?

         Boldly speaking; I believe it's because I have allowed myself to get away with being a lazy, fat, disobedient, weak willed, over indulgent Cow's ass for so many months in a row now, that I am gunna be a monster of habitual recklessness for a bit.  I will probably need to start slower, allow myself some food freedoms within the boundaries of my new devotion to being Ana. A few Tofutti bars here, some pickles there. An apple for breakfast and one for lunch instead of eating just one all day, know what I mean? "Weening" is what they call it right? I think it's spelled weening. lol Anywho...I will need to ween myself off of eating like a pig and reteach myself the amazing art of being pure and empty.

      Tomorrow I will begin a journey. A new journey to my own inner beauty, to allow it to manifest outwardly. I am so thrilled. :) I will journal more later, need to sleep right now. I have work in 5 hours. lol

 Best thinspo ever...Kate Moennig, the woman I would gladly love forever and Ian Somerhalder, the man I would gladly love for eternity, if he bit me ;)