I will post more later, heres some thinspo for now.
skinny
hello skinny love
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
I am back till I collapse!
It's been a while, I know I suck. I gained even more weight than last time I posted. :( But I am refreshed and ready to rock this! Any of you lovelies wanna be Ana buddies, please lemme know! Reach out to me, I don't wanna try to do this alone.
I will post more later, heres some thinspo for now.
I will post more later, heres some thinspo for now.
New Blog!
So I had to move my picturesque princess blog here due to losing all my password and email info! Ugh anywho, all my old posts are here, under FEB 29TH 2012, along with a new one! Then any days after that will be brand new posts! Thanks Guys!
I hate me today
I am honestly feeling super depressed and irrational. I feel like just
disappearing would make the world a better place. I have been dealing
with a lot of pressure to finish this new album I am recording. Last
night I binged like you wouldn't believe and since I don't purge, to
protect my singing voice, it is all on me, right now adding more fat to
my disgusting body. I am angry at myself. I shoulda just txted Maise, my
Ana support friend. Truth is I need more than one, I mean she can't
always be there, and I need a group of Ana's who support me and
understand what I am facing.
I feel isolated and alone in this, like seriously alone. I Will Not Eat Today! I WILL NOT EAT TODAY! I need some stronger resolve. I think I am gunna go upstairs take a spoonful of vinegar, eat a celery stalk or 2, then try and sleep for a couple hours. I have a photo shoot today. Ugh. Gross, thank God it's not me modeling. It's the album cover shoot for my new CD, so the model will be this local girl who has a specific artistic role for the cover, thank God, I don't want any pics of me till I drop 30lbs. AND I NEED TO DO IT FAST, I need to do a photo shoot at the end of September, so wish me luck. UGH. Being a professional music artist adds so much more pressure to be healthy, in shape, skinny, whatever. I wanna feel stronger, lighter, softer. I dunno.
I hate Hillary Duff, but I love this pic, she looks amazing.
I feel isolated and alone in this, like seriously alone. I Will Not Eat Today! I WILL NOT EAT TODAY! I need some stronger resolve. I think I am gunna go upstairs take a spoonful of vinegar, eat a celery stalk or 2, then try and sleep for a couple hours. I have a photo shoot today. Ugh. Gross, thank God it's not me modeling. It's the album cover shoot for my new CD, so the model will be this local girl who has a specific artistic role for the cover, thank God, I don't want any pics of me till I drop 30lbs. AND I NEED TO DO IT FAST, I need to do a photo shoot at the end of September, so wish me luck. UGH. Being a professional music artist adds so much more pressure to be healthy, in shape, skinny, whatever. I wanna feel stronger, lighter, softer. I dunno.
3 little things
3 little things I am gunna start trying to implement into my life to help fight my urges, cravings, etc...
1. Go to sleep. If I get home from work at night and the urge starts, just go to bed for crap's sake! If I am at home and the urge comes and I feel sleepy, the sleepiness is probably causing a shift in my appetite, so just sleep it off.
2. If an urge comes and I am at home, weigh myself, trust me the urge will go away lol
3. If at work and the urge comes, go chug a huge glass of our luke warm water, that will def curb it, either that or just chug as much as will make me nauseous and not wanna eat.
1. Go to sleep. If I get home from work at night and the urge starts, just go to bed for crap's sake! If I am at home and the urge comes and I feel sleepy, the sleepiness is probably causing a shift in my appetite, so just sleep it off.
2. If an urge comes and I am at home, weigh myself, trust me the urge will go away lol
3. If at work and the urge comes, go chug a huge glass of our luke warm water, that will def curb it, either that or just chug as much as will make me nauseous and not wanna eat.
I fucked up :/
Around 2 am, I was feeling hungry, craving some ice cream like a mofo.
Just needed a sweet creamy treat, so I had a large bowl of ice cream. I
suck. :( I feel angry at myself, but I know I need to just face today
with a stronger resolve. Punishing myself will only make this worse. I
need to just wake up, drink some water, take a spoonful of vinegar, eat a
few stalks of celery and head to work. Pop a stacker, give myself a
kick start of fat burning and try and avoid another slip like that. I
shoulda tried to txt Maise, I just figured it was aweful late and it may
be rude of me.
I don't feel too horrible inside. I just wanna be able to go longer stints without giving in, know what I mean? Like 2 and a half days, thats lame. I should of tried harder, cause truth be told I probably have it in me to go like 20 days before even really feeling Strong urges, I just have become lazy and undisciplined, but tonight my God Mom, Julia, actually said something amazing to me on the phone. "You are the strongest and most disciplined person I know." She was saying it in reference to my life, career, relationships in general, but it really triggered something in me about my eating.
She's right, I am disciplined, and strong. I can do this. Today: 2 stalks of celery, 2 Hydroxy Cuts, 4 bottles of water, 2 glasses of juice, and an herbal tea. I am gunna bunker down and do this right...oh! And vinegar. Can't go a day without that, it's amazing for fat burning, naturally. So, wish me luck. Hope all is well in Ana land for the rest of you. Kisses.
Selena Gomez is beautiful, not as skinny as most Ana's look up to,
however I think she has an amazing size, and this picture of one of my
thinspiration favorites. :)
I don't feel too horrible inside. I just wanna be able to go longer stints without giving in, know what I mean? Like 2 and a half days, thats lame. I should of tried harder, cause truth be told I probably have it in me to go like 20 days before even really feeling Strong urges, I just have become lazy and undisciplined, but tonight my God Mom, Julia, actually said something amazing to me on the phone. "You are the strongest and most disciplined person I know." She was saying it in reference to my life, career, relationships in general, but it really triggered something in me about my eating.
She's right, I am disciplined, and strong. I can do this. Today: 2 stalks of celery, 2 Hydroxy Cuts, 4 bottles of water, 2 glasses of juice, and an herbal tea. I am gunna bunker down and do this right...oh! And vinegar. Can't go a day without that, it's amazing for fat burning, naturally. So, wish me luck. Hope all is well in Ana land for the rest of you. Kisses.
You can let your hair down...
So last night was rough, lots of craving, the urge to binge was strong
and kept coming back over and over. But...I beat it. With the
encouragement of a good Ana friend, Maise, and the mind numbing
awesomeness of "The L Word" :) haha I <3 Kate Moennig, she plays
Shane. Gorgeous, thinspiration, and just an all around amazing actress. I
feel empty right now, which is awesome as well. Probably gunna pop a
Hydroxy Cut before I leave for work. Gosh I hate work more and more
these days yet need it more and more. It's insane.
I guess I don't "hate" work, I just feel less and less like being there is valuable to me surviving. lol. I know right, that's dumb. Truth be told I guess I just have my focus on other things right now. I am leaving in 2 weeks, the album will be done, time to head out. North Carolina first, then home to Nashville for just a couple months, then onto the West Coast for an 8 month tour. Crazy eh?
I wanted to say real quick, just to clear any confusion up...I am an Ana, but I do not consider myself to have the actual mental disorder that goes with Anorexia. Mainly cause I don't "Starve" myself. I do random cleansing fasts, fruits, veggies, lemon juice, curry, cayenne, etc...and I believe in lots of vitamins, more of them than food, lots of water, get protien from healthier places than fatty meats, I just have high health standards, yes being thinner is super important to me, and yes I am an Ana, I support and understand the mindset of food fears, looking in the mirror and not liking what you see, etc...I just don't plan on trying to reach 70lbs and die. Between 110 and 120 is fine for me, hell even 130 would be cool :) haha I have been heavy my whole life, and Ana gave me strength to fight that with a lot of clarity. "People over eat all the time, this country's ideas of what a normal portioned meal is, is atrocious." Truer words could never have been spoken.
Just wanted to interject that, now I am gunna chew on some lettuc before I gotta get ready for work. <3
I guess I don't "hate" work, I just feel less and less like being there is valuable to me surviving. lol. I know right, that's dumb. Truth be told I guess I just have my focus on other things right now. I am leaving in 2 weeks, the album will be done, time to head out. North Carolina first, then home to Nashville for just a couple months, then onto the West Coast for an 8 month tour. Crazy eh?
I wanted to say real quick, just to clear any confusion up...I am an Ana, but I do not consider myself to have the actual mental disorder that goes with Anorexia. Mainly cause I don't "Starve" myself. I do random cleansing fasts, fruits, veggies, lemon juice, curry, cayenne, etc...and I believe in lots of vitamins, more of them than food, lots of water, get protien from healthier places than fatty meats, I just have high health standards, yes being thinner is super important to me, and yes I am an Ana, I support and understand the mindset of food fears, looking in the mirror and not liking what you see, etc...I just don't plan on trying to reach 70lbs and die. Between 110 and 120 is fine for me, hell even 130 would be cool :) haha I have been heavy my whole life, and Ana gave me strength to fight that with a lot of clarity. "People over eat all the time, this country's ideas of what a normal portioned meal is, is atrocious." Truer words could never have been spoken.
Just wanted to interject that, now I am gunna chew on some lettuc before I gotta get ready for work. <3
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