I hate me today

I am honestly feeling super depressed and irrational. I feel like just disappearing would make the world a better place. I have been dealing with a lot of pressure to finish this new album I am recording. Last night I binged like you wouldn't believe and since I don't purge, to protect my singing voice, it is all on me, right now adding more fat to my disgusting body. I am angry at myself. I shoulda just txted Maise, my Ana support friend. Truth is I need more than one, I mean she can't always be there, and I need a group of Ana's who support me and understand what I am facing.

         I feel isolated and alone in this, like seriously alone. I Will Not Eat Today! I WILL NOT EAT TODAY! I need some stronger resolve. I think I am gunna go upstairs take a spoonful of vinegar, eat a celery stalk or 2, then try and sleep for a couple hours. I have a photo shoot today. Ugh. Gross, thank God it's not me modeling. It's the album cover shoot for my new CD, so the model will be this local girl who has a specific artistic role for the cover, thank God, I don't want any pics of me till I drop 30lbs. AND I NEED TO DO IT FAST, I need to do a photo shoot at the end of September, so wish me luck. UGH. Being a professional music artist adds so much more pressure to be healthy, in shape, skinny, whatever. I wanna feel stronger, lighter, softer. I dunno.

  I hate Hillary Duff, but I love this pic, she looks amazing.